Stellar, Stellar, Stellar...

Early tomorrow morning I will be hitting highway, truck and trailer loaded, making my way back to Aiken, SC. When I left Aiken to see about a new life in Maryland I knew there would be a ton of things I would do and experience. After all being 24 and moving to a new state, the possibilities are endless. But there is one thing, that if you had asked me when I left Aiken, I would have told you there is no way in 'hell' I'd do...

Be moving back to Aiken with out Stellar (Fullback). 

But as fate would have it, I am. 

The day I signed the bill of sale giving ownership of Stellar to Lindy and Adam Gutman is a moment I will not forget but for reasons you may not think. I wasn't the emotional wreck I thought I would be, I didn't really cry that night at dinner and I didn't cry the next few days following. The occasional tear would stream down my face every now and then but never the bawling my eyes out like a new born baby, which is how I thought I would be (even how I thought I should be). But let me tell you something, last night I cried. I cried there with Lindy as Stellar laid his head in my chest and I kissed his forehead. A small portion of those tears were 'sad tears' because well he was and always will be 'that' horse to me. I broke him on the track, had a bond with him from the moment I saw him and accomplished more with him than I ever have on another horse. But I also cried happy tears because I know that Stellar is bringing just as much happiness into Lindy's life as he did mine. Sure its a different happiness but its a happiness that better suits his life and the longevity of it. 

I may be moving 10 hours away from the two of them but a trip is already in the works for a winter visit to Aiken. Not only that but Lindy was so impressed with how well I schooled him cross country this past Saturday, she is willing to fly me back up to compete him at Jenny Camp the end of May.

I find myself feeling eternally grateful to have found him an owner like Lindy. We all know how tough this industry is when it comes to buying and selling or re-homing for that matter. I know not everyone is as fortunate to find what I have but there was just no way I was going to settle for anything less because he deserves it. Thank you Lindy for taking care of my boy and allowing me to still be apart of the process! 

It's not goodbye but more of a 'see you later'...

*Update on the heart murmur found during pre-purchase exam* After seeing the cardiologist last week, she was able to confirm that Stellar has a grade 4 of 6  Tricuspid Valve Regurgitation. In layman's terms this means blood flows through and the valve does not close all the way so a lot of the blood gets pushed back into his right atrium. The cardiologist said right now he does not have an arrhythmia but that he could develop one in a year, 5 years or never at all. But that he should be checked by a cardiologist once a year and monitored regularly. 

This means he can continue to love his life of trail rides, hunter paces, occasional cross country schooling and hunter shows but I know he will never be pushed beyond his limits! Happiness all around. 

From 'Hey ya'lls' to 'Charm City Livin'- A Reminder to My Older Self

Exactly one year ago today I was rushing to the grocery store to pick up as many copies as I could of the Aiken Standard for the simple reason pictured above. I had been made a 'hometown' celebrity because of a pretty awesome story I had with pretty amazing horse. Time was closing in on me and Fullback to be prepared for our demonstration at the Retired Racehorse Project Rolex preview and the Aiken Standard so generously wanted to share 'our story'. Seeing this pop up on my Facebook timeline this morning as a memory from a year ago flooded me with emotions. Everything from happy to sad, grateful to bitter, proud to disappointed. I am not ashamed of letting you all know these were in fact all the feelings I was having when I saw this. Why? Because they are only human feelings to have! This time last year I was gearing up for one of the most exciting adventures of my life and of my career as a horsewoman.

What am I doing now? Well I am currently sitting in my office at work 'batching received checks' (accounting terms) that pay invoices for light bulbs. Sounds like fun huh? Maybe for someone who likes sitting at a computer all day. But not for an avid equestrian itching for the clock to hit 4:30 so she can sit in 45 minutes of bumper to bumper traffic just to get to the barn before dark. Yes, that's my life as we speak. I went from doing what I loved day in and day out to trying to be an adult when offered a '9 to 5'  job with weekends off, holiday pay, benefits and some vacation time.

You could say that a lot has changed in just a years time because well, it has, I moved from Aiken, SC after loosing a job I loved, to Maryland mainly to train with one of the greatest trainers I have ever met but also because I thought I had landed a job that would make me just as happy as I was at Darley. That is where I was mistaken. Needless to say, said job did not work out but I found myself wanting to stay in Maryland going with my gut that I was here for a reason. Although I still think I was brought to Maryland for more reasons than one, they have come and gone and it is time I listen to myself. What is it that makes me happy? Does getting to the barn at 6:30 Monday thru Friday after sitting at desk all day only to ride my horse alone make me happy? No. Does working all day doing something that doesn't really interest me so I can live pay check to pay check but tell myself it will benefit my future make me happy? Sorry to say but...no.

^ Fullback with owner Lindy Gutman out on his second hunter pace ever!

What makes me happy is working with horses all day everyday. By that I don't mean just working with off the track thoroughbreds.  I will take cleaning the grossest of stalls over sitting at a desk 8 hours a day, hands down without a doubt. Give me all the nitty gritty work and I would still prefer it over having to pretty myself up every day for a job a I don't love. But don't get me wrong, although in general I haven't been the happiest with my life here in Maryland, there is plenty that did make me very happy. Fullback, my last years makeover mount, has an amazing new home where he loves his life and never will be pushed beyond his limits. I have been able to work with Nuno Santos for the last six months watching him ride and taking lessons. My riding has drastically improved in doing so and I have learned an incredible amount from him. He and his wife Katie are two of the most self less people I know and I will be forever grateful to have them apart of my life. Loblolly Farm, where Nuno runs Santos Sport Horses out of is hands down the best facility I have ever been apart of from horse quality, to care quality, to such a close knit group of boarders it is unbeatable.

But the truth is Darley is not sponsoring me for this years makeover to do a mediocre job at training Coordinate. EnviroEquine is not sponsoring me to do a mediocre job of training Coordinate. And to be honest mediocre is all I have been able to do since he arrived because of how my life is here in Maryland. I know some of you will think I am being too hard on myself but at 25 years old I know what it is in life that makes me happy because I have already done it and why stop now? Why let myself slip into a life that may seem better for my future to some but to me is making me unhappy? The time is now for me to get back to exactly what makes me happy and to do my absolute best with Coordinate to ensure he shows everyone what he is capable of in Kentucky come October. That is why I am pleased to announce my moving back to Aiken in a few weeks where I will be breaking and exercising polo horses at C Spear Farm. It is an opportunity I am so thrilled to have been presented with and I cannot wait to be back in the wonderful horse community of Aiken. Cheers to the next chapter of this crazy life! Let this blog be a little reminder to my future self in always doing what makes me happy.

^Coordinate looking better and better thanks to EnviroEquine!